Journey’s End – A New Beginning

Happy New year all,

I wonder how long it is supposed to be before you stop saying that? Well, January isn’t over, so, while the weather is still frozen, I’d like to pause for a moment of silence to reflect on my Saturn experience. Let’s freeze the waters a bit.
NYC in the center of the storm.

NYC in the center of the storm.

Figured I’d take the time to go over my awesome acts of 2013, and most importantly, my 30th year, since it was an absolute worldwind.

My 30th birthday and year opened at PolyCocktails on Jan 14th, we waited til midnight then a few of my good friends sang me a song. I believe it’s when I came out to myself as a poly person. In gearing up to go again this year, as in tonight. If anyone gets this before 7pm, come over to The Delancey and wish me a Happy Birthday!

Some learning moments and unsuccessful trials were the house-hunt and the insemination. We had three contracts that never completed itself, inseminated eight months in a row (and I gave up drinking and smoking, more or less, which was quite a feat). One year, and thousands of dollars later, I have no baby, and will not be moving to Jersey City afterall, but I’m filled with hope, and secretly relieved that I am still just me, asset and child free at least for one more day.
But I did get married.

This was a surprisingly gracious moment for me. My hair was not the high-up bun with tendrils of drop curls that I had imagined, but everything else was more beautiful than my wildest dreams could afford. I thank my beautiful wife for making it a magical day, my grandmother for blessing us with the sun’s warmth.

Married life ain’t bad at all. I actually truly enjoy knowing that if we make a mistake, in life or with each other, there is a hidden understanding that we can simply try again. We have our entire lives to get it right. The point isn’t the end result, but wanting to experience these trial and error pains with someone who won’t mind you screwing up all the time.

Oh, back track. In February, my boss came up to me and said, “Shawn, draw up your proposal; we’d like to have you on full-time. Would back pay to mid-January suffice?”
Shit, need I say more.
Spirit was all over me in year 30!
I want to share so badly with you all what it is that I learned during my Saturn. How much of it was error, trial, more error, then suddenly, knowing, and thereby, transformation.
In August, I went to Michigan, Michfest was absolutely a point of absolution for me, it helped to ground me and allowed me to fall in love with a beautiful soul, let myself be vulnerable on the land. Im also gearing up to go to Hawaii to meet the woman who I connected with at Michfest (you remember, I also went to Singapore then Bali to meet someone I met from Michfest a few years ago…point, if you haven’t been to Michfest, what the ovaries are you waiting for!!?!).

Puerto Rico was our honeymoon.

Honeymoon in the birthplace of the Pina Colada.

Honeymoon in the birthplace of the Pina Colada.

There, Jaz and I became a couple. We argued, we dipped our feet in La Perla (the other side of the tracks off old San Juan), we woke to her grandmothers cooking, from this experience I wrote a lovely story called, Le Sangre… of being in a yard and struggling to get an avocado to fall from it’s avocado tree.

And in December, I had the Her Saturn Returns play read for the first time. There are more changes to come, but here are excerpts of the staged reading.

Post Reading Awesomeness

Post Reading Awesomeness

Because this journey has in some ways ended, I wondered what to do with this blog space, this domain name, this project. Her Saturn Returns is not only a play, or a time in my life, it is a collection of stories, and an opportunity for queer women of color experiencing their Saturn to tell their stories.
I’d like to share all of this experience with you in the form of a slowly transformed online journal. I’ll need a team, join me!
Shawn(ta) Smith-Cruz
This entry was posted in 30, Personal Reflection and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Journey’s End – A New Beginning

  1. Kudos to you my dear cousin much love and much success in 2014 but remember to whom much is given much is required God bless

    Sent from my iPhone


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