Undeniable Stillness

Traveling has been a theme for many women experiencing their Saturn.
Just recently, I went to Singapore and Bali, and met a friend there, one who I met at Michigan in 2009.  These days spent drifting through the realities of other people’s lives were intense.  My first day on the plane, I realized that I was investing myself to this experience.

Shadow Reflection Shot

Here I was, paying real money: the cost of the flight was about $1259USD when you include travelers insurance, and later, I find that this round trip cost was a good deal.  And parts of me were being compromised, moved around, altered, reformatted, cut, and paste into a new GPS grid system.  Was I ready for this type of global movement?

Upon returning to the United States, in the past couple of weeks, parts of me feel tattered, or missing, or unresolved.  I’ve left a piece of myself, not in the clean and regimented streets of Singapore, or the tourist-pollution of Bali, but instead, in window-seat 32A on the plane ride to the Asian continent.  In transit, there were too many hours of contemplation.  When in the land of my own experience, still, yet moving at an indecipherable speed, I found myself, wavering between joy and sadness, between contemplation and restlessness.  Between “you” and “her”.  And most aptly, between myself as I was, and who I would become.

There is this undeniable stillness.  It’s likely a stillness that Olivia Ford talked about in our Spirit Interview.  The stillness that comes from once feeling stuck, and then, choosing to move.  An undeniable stillness that must be unnatural, as humans were likely never meant to travel this way, not in an essential movement sort of way, where are bodies are in a pace beyond comprehension, across planes, now we can fly?  Were we meant to ever move this way, or was it to be true to move like this only in dreams, in memories, as spirits.  Our bodies, my body, was reconfigured in ways that I will likely never fully comprehend.

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