J. San Chez has a blog of her own: LadisSaturnGuide.blogspot.com/
Of course, I had to see what was going on with her Saturn Return. Her story was remarkable: marriage, counseling, therapy, and more.
I found out because we g-chatted one night, and here’s what she had to say…
Saturn Returns in Scorpio
Age: 27 Years Old
Sun Sign: Gemini
Local City: New York City
J. San Chez: You’re up late.
HSR: Hey stranger…
J. San Chez: Stranger to all. I went on radio silence while in vegas… You know what they say!
HSR: How was it?
J. San Chez: Very relaxing. As always. I had some fun, got in a little trouble
HSR: Can I interview you about your Saturn Return for my blog, right now?
J. San Chez: Sure. Funny, this is the third time I’ve been interviewed this year… I feel so famous
HSR: You are famous! Have you noticed any dramatic changes in your life in the past year?
J. San Chez: Yup!
HSR: Tell me about one.
J. San Chez: Well, I could talk about my marriage, but what do you really want to know?
HSR: I’m not exactly sure yet what a Saturn Returns Spirit Interview ought to sound like, taste like, or look like. The formula for an interview is really just that you talk about the ups and downs of turning 30. I assume it will be something like confronting your fears, or whatever comes to mind.
J. San Chez: Ok, well, 2010 started off as the most dramatic year of my life yet. I had recently married a man I thought I loved, despite his recent dip into crazy town. I stayed with him anyway, desperate to prove to him & myself (I later learned) that I was committed to the relationship & family we had decided to form. I was also a mother for the 2nd time within 2 years, finally regaining hormonal balance. 2009 was rough but proved to only be preparation for the wild ride to semblance that 2010 showed itself to be.
HSR: Hold the phone, do you know that Her Saturn Returns, at least this blog, is for queer women of color? I mean, we include allies, but, are you telling me you’re straight now? I just want it on the record.
J. San Chez: Wait, I have to interject. I have always been (and I believe will always be) a bisexual woman. Since December of 2008 I had dedicated myself to nurturing my new role in the traditional sense of the word by being a “good” mother & a “good” wife. I stopped hanging out with those friends of mine that aroused my “unconventional” desires, I swallowed the urges of attraction I felt and remained faithful to my husband. Despite the constant proofless accusations, non-stop vocal & physical arguments, I remained faithful. As time passed I couldn’t settle the storm that remained brewing inside. The final straw came in july, while working 2 jobs, tired of arguing over a past that would never change, I decided to be honest in a painful way and considered the possible alternatives to my life. I came clean with my husband that although I had remained faithful, the course of our relationship had led me to the realization that I was no longer in love. The storm would not calm because I was no longer willing to be a fool for or in love. By the time summer ended, I had iterated my need for space, my want to be alone to clarify the contradictions within myself. I started seeing a psychologist, breaking down and through the issues I held inside.
HSR: WOW hun, this is a lot. How did you cope with this type of transition, in a new marriage? And, it’s starting to sound like a soap opera, I mean, a straight one. How does a bisexual woman exist in a monogamous heterosexual marriage anyhow?
J. San Chez: Sometime in September I met a woman who rocked me to my core the instant we met. It was as if our energies recognized each other from a past life. Like when you meet someone that your spirit immediately bonds to even though your mind can’t process the connection. Anyway, through a series of pure coincidence, she helped me begin the journey to love myself again. To honour me and the people in my life. I cut my hair, and instantly felt a spiritual burden being lifted. She brought inspiration to me, in a way I hadn’t had in a long time. She awakened the goddess within me.
HSR: That almost sounds like a happy ending. Except, aren’t you still married at this point?
J. San Chez: In August my husband went away leaving me with an ultimatum. That I either decide to stay in this relationship or call it quits. Remember, I met the girl in September, so the timing was surprisingly alarming. Upon his return, I told him I had decided to leave and we separated even while still living together for financial support. The next couple months continued how much of the year had already went, fights and distance. Eventually I let myself be free and allowed myself the indulgence of this woman. And it was magical, a little disappointing, but magical still. I don’t regret it, and never will.
HSR: So the affair ended. I guess that makes sense. Are you working on your marriage now? What about your bisexuality? Are you going to consider an open marriage?
J. San Chez: We started marriage counseling in late November. We got through the holidays taking comfort in a friendship we haven’t shared for years. And the night of our one year anniversary we listened to each other unload their heart with the decision to leave. To split that which just may be too broken to fix. Ironically a peaceful ending to a year that never seemed to end.
HSR: Thank you for writing all of that. It’s a beautiful story that ends with a beginning. What is next for you, now that you still have two more years in Saturn?
J. San Chez: I am loving me… I’m starting training for my promotion to assistant manager at work. Oh, I work as a writer and photographer.
HSR: Do you have any advice for people who are currently going through their Saturn?
J. San Chez: For people in their Saturn, my advice is to embrace it. Embrace every emotion, intuition, feeling, urge or indulgence you may face. Any challenge or obstacle. It’s only by embracing the hardship/pain that you will learn to endure it and find a way through it. My time in Saturn is yet to be halfway over, so I am still changing. And I am quite sure there is more to come that I will have to deal with but I think I am now better equipped to face whatever comes my way.
HSR: Thanks for the interview. I’ll be sure to send folks to your blog!
J. San Chez: Take care and thank you for letting me be apart of you interview/research.
Thanks J. San Chez for your words.
Drop her a line at her blog, or here on this page.